Low Elf​-​Esteem

by Jason Berk & Ellen Den Herder

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Five mostly-original holiday songs from our hearts to your ears!

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released December 20, 2015

Jason Berk - Vocals, guitar, bass, drums, piano, organ, whistling
Ellen Den Herder - Vocals, mouth trumpet
Jerry Stiller - Shouting

All songs written by Jason Berk & Ellen Den Herder except:
"Baby It's Hanukkah" - Music by Frank Loesser, new lyrics by Jason Berk & Ellen Den Herder
"Festivus Carol" - Music by Jay Livingston & Ray Evans, new lyrics by Jason Berk & Ellen Den Herder

Produced by Jason Berk

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Jason Berk Los Angeles, California

Jason Berk is a singer/songwriter whose music has garnered critical acclaim and has received nationwide airplay. He has performed at venues such as Hollywood's Legendary Whisky A Go Go, San Francisco's Outside Lands Music Festival, and he's been a regular guest on Steven Seaweed's "Bone Up On The Beatles" program on the Bay Area's 107.7 The Bone. Catch him on tour! ... more

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Track Name: An Elf To Call My Own
Take down the box, if you can find it
Take down the tinsel from the shelf
This is the worst part of November
So I better brace myself

Three hundred pounds of decorations
Await my six-foot christmas tree
This is no way to spend vacation
Subjected to this misery

Santa, if you're out there, won't you listen to my call
Cause Christmastime's the time of year that I hate most of all
Santa, won't you help me out, all I've ever dreamed about's
An elf to call my own, to boss around

He could do all my Christmas bidding
Wrap the presents for the tree
Even cook dinner for Thanksgiving
Oh my god, I'll be so free

Santa, don't you hear me crying
After yelling at my kids
This holiday's about the buying
Don't let me end up in the skids

Santa, if you're out there, won't you listen to my call
Cause Christmastime's the time of year that I hate most of all
Santa, won't you help me out, all I've ever dreamed about's
An elf to boss around this holiday

If his name is Twinkletoes or if his name is Kirk
Send a little helper and we'll put that guy to work
He'll untangle Christmas lights while we'll be singing "Silent Night"
An elf to call my own, to boss around
An elf to call my own, to boss around
An elf to boss around this holiday
Track Name: Baby It's Hanukkah
The candles burn bright
(Baby, it's Hanukkah)
It's just the first night
(Baby, it's Hanukkah)
You wonder what I have got in store
(It's just one gift, there's seven more)
Baby, don't get excited
(So happy I was invited)
You think there will be plenty to come?
(Pour us a hot toddy with rum)
Don't you get too delighted
(Candles have been ignited)
After this the presents are done
(What???)

The dreidel will spin
(Back to that present thing...)
Some gelt I will win
(I mean, if it was a ring...)
So happy that you are here with me
(I guess I'll have to wait and see)
Cause even though you're not Jewish,
my mother says your cooking is fine
(What do you mean by "fine"??)
The candles burn bright
(You already said that)
Baby, it's Hanukkah!

It's just the first night
(Baby, it's Hanukkah)
Let's not have a fight
(Cause baby, it's Hanukkah)
So happy that I am here with you
(I'm sorry if you've misconstrued)
The holiday's making sense now
(Glad you're not quite as tense now)
It's really about family and wine
(Manischewitz straight from the vine)
The candles burn bright
(We've already said that)
Baby it's Hanukkah!
Track Name: Festivus Carol
In the city, things are pretty
There are lights everywhere
In the air there's a feeling of Christmas
But for some folks with a tin pole
There's no decorations
And from outside the house you may hear...

[SHOUTING]

You will dictate all the problems
That you've had with your son
You can call it an "airing of grievances"
Then the two of you will wrestle
Until one of you cries
And above all this bustle you'll hear

[MORE SHOUTING]

Festivus, Festivus,
Tinsel is much too distracting
Ring-a-ling, hear it ring
Soon it will be Festivus

[Well, it sucks!]
Track Name: War On Christmas
Jesus is the reason for the season
But lately I've been feeling there's some treason
Instead of jingle bells, I'll be saying my farewells
to a Christmas that I once knew as white
"Seasons greetings!" Bah.

It would be a pick-me-up, if you would write upon my cup
"Have a Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays"
What you've given me instead: a cup that's simply painted red
"It's a new design" is what they said

I know that there's a war on christmas raging in this town
That classic Christmas spirit is nowhere to be found

Little Becky said to me, "they took away my Christmas tree
And the diorama of the first nativity."
Little Johnny said "Gee whiz, I don't know what their problem is
Acting like some kind of bourgeoise"

I know that there's a war on christmas raging in this town
That classic Christmas spirit is nowhere to be found

Let's all skip Thanksgiving and we'll head right for the store
We'll line up at midnight but they open up at four

This December be afraid when they say "Happy Holidays"
It's a Christian nation, Bill O'Reilly told me so.
To maintain prosperity, forget your local charity
Donate all your money to our cause

I know that there's a war on christmas raging in this town
That classic Christmas spirit is nowhere to be found

And so I wish you all a Merry Christmas
Regardless if you're Christian or you're Jewish
You'll never hear me say another "Happy Holiday"
Merry Christmas to you.
Track Name: I Like Christmas
I like Christmas, don't you know
I like carols in the show
I like warming by the fire's glow
Building snowmen with my friends
Decorating cookie men
Wishing that this never had to end

Cause each December is the highlight of my year
Spending all my time with people I hold dear
Cause I like Christmas

I like hanging Christmas lights
Getting into snowball fights
Drinking cocoa, eating pecan pies
Picking out my Christmas tree
Wonder which is best for me
Bring it home and make it look so pretty

Cause each December is the highlight of my year
Sing along with me and spread some Christmas cheer
Cause I like Christmas

Cause each December is the highlight of my year
Sing along with me and spread some Christmas cheer
Cause I like Christmas